Stay put! 😎🤙

I have literally tried to write a blog post for more than a year now. There are about five or six drafts on my computer that I never published and many more texts that I discarded before they even got saved as drafts. Because I had told myself that they were "not important", "boring" or "too personal".

I started this blog in summer 2007 when I was sixteen years old and moved to Sweden for an exchange year. Remember that was back in the pre-Facebook, pre-Instagram and pretty much pre-anything era, phone calls abroad were expensive and the idea was to let my family and friends follow along my adventures for a bit. Side note: It really is hilarious to go back to these posts and get a glimpse of what person I was at the time. Most of it is in German though, but there are some really nice pictures as well - noot.

Later on, the blog was mostly about orienteering and things related to it. About a year ago, I even changed the domain of the site, as I was concerned that what I write here might affect my professional life. So if you go to the original address (or whatever the IT people call it) of this blog, you'll now get valuable information about the woodworker's ideal tool (yup, the table saw, of course!) instead.

Reading my own posts from a few years ago I realize that, when I was younger, I simply explained what I saw and experienced. I said what I thought. I was honest and open. At the same time, I wrote with no expectations.

And now?

As a kid/teenager I thought that growing up meant being more confident about things, in life. Because I always considered that the equation was supposed to be knowledge = confidence & control. I am beginning to understand that it is actually (potentially) the exact opposite. The more you know, the more experience you have gained, the more complicated and complex it gets. Potentially. If you let anyone, including yourself, doubt you.

That's what happened to me regarding this blog. Suddenly, before I even started to write, each and every time, I kept asking myself questions.

What do I even have to say, what does it matter what I think, who cares?

And, even more important: What if I make myself vulnerable in some way?

Truth is: All the above-mentioned questions are based on assumptions. All grown-ups know that assumptions are bullshit. Or don't we?

Also: I actually have a hell of a lot to say. Can't tell whether it really matters or if someone cares. Yet, in times where literally anyone can put his/her word out there, why should I keep my mouth shut!? And yes, that's just a part of who I am and I have come to the conclusion that limiting myself because of what others might think just makes me very very unhappy.

Another truth is: I still love writing and I've missed it. If you want to write things down, you first need to get your thoughts sorted. To me, that feels kind of meditative. As opposed to scrolling through social media accounts of people I have never met (and will most probably never ever meet)...

So, yup, talk to you soon!

/B

PS. Apart from all that, as you can see, I am currently very much enjoying my daily autumn walks (see pictures). It's crazy what one daily walk in the forest can do, I feel so much more caaaaalm!

PPS. I am very aware that blogging may be considered outdated, however, I don't think that I can quite express the same in a Tiktok video. Until someone proves me wrong, of course.

Yesterday was another of those days where I suddenly felt deeply uncomfortable and worried. The night before, I had been watching the news and it was no good news. Fires. Fires in Alaska and Siberia. Massive amounts of CO2 released. And obviously, that component had not been considered in the climate change models and scenarios that exist. So it happens faster and it is worse than we even thought. I am no scientist, but I am not stupid. Climate change is happening, but are we all closing our eyes?

To some extent, yes, we are. I am. If articles about the extinction of bees and insects pop up in some news-feed I often catch myself skipping them because I just do not want to know. The sea is dying, the Arctic is melting, and I do not want to know. Because I feel guilty. And it scares me. It scares the hell out of me. I am 28 now and the thought of having a family at some point has popped up in my mind every now and then. But then I also ask myself: Who am I to expect a child to live in such a world? How much of a responsible choice is that?

I tell myself that I try to live sustainably. But what does that even mean? Recycling, reduce food-waste, take shorter showers, switch off the light, buy local and second-hand, fly/travel less to name a few? Honestly, I fail at it daily. The only thing that I am pretty consequent about is skipping meat (and often dairy products). I live in a fucking penthouse that is way larger than I would need my flat to be, I own thousands of things I do not really need, I buy take-away coffee, I do not know where all the ingredients in my food from the super-market come from. And I still fly waaay too much. When I was still an elite-orienteer I flew at least once a month to training camps or competitions. “But you have to, it’s different”. Was it really? Now my sister lives in Norway. She is my best friend and I miss her which is why I’ll be visiting her soon. “So I need to, it’s different”. Is it really? In September I will attend some FIFA-conference in Madrid. “Well, it’s my job, so it’s different”. Really?

One thing I have realized is that I am not alone with my thoughts and fears and my excuses. It is just… We do not talk about it. Because instantly, if we allow such thoughts, we also feel guilt. The first time I realized that most of us are in this dilemma was when I had been drinking a few glasses of wine with friends, it was late and suddenly the conversation took a dramatic turn. In the end we were just sitting there, all quiet because we did not know what to say. We know things are not right. But at the same time, we know that we need everyone to be in this game together which leaves us with a feeling of powerlessness and resignation. So, have we fucked up?

Well. Of course, it lies in the responsibility of each one of us to live more sustainable. But most of all, it lies in the responsibility of our leaders all over the world to make some freaking changes and provide some guidelines we can all live by. I have studied the mechanisms in International Environmental Law at university. As those negotiations are highly political, so the process is super sluggish. Different countries have different interest. Do they? What other planet is there, if I may ask?

So at the moment, it is the responsibility of our politicians, our leaders, our governments, our presidents. They need to listen to our scientist and make the issue their #1 topic on the agenda. It is their fucking (sorry, already using that word for the second time…) job to come up with solutions, to implement rules and laws. We will not solve the problem if we rely on “each and every one” to make “a little change”. It is simply not enough and after a few (too many!) years we should have realized that obviously, we are all pretty useless at it (including me). People know how to handle rules, even if they might not agree with them first. Rules are a “system” that works. The change needs to come top-down. We will need to accept, to cut down and to play by those rules. Even if it means less travelling, less mangoes from Peru at the store, less everything. Who does not want to be able to enjoy this beautiful gift called life on our wonderful planet?

So if we, the citizens, put more pressure on our leaders, as in “it’s actually the only thing that matters!”, would they not be interested in being the ones that lead the change? Imagine you could call yourself “one of those who made climate change slow down and stop”. Shouldn’t that be what every politician wants to strive at nowadays? So let’s continue to tell them that we want change!

/B

PS. The pictures are some of my favourites from “the world”. It is a beautiful place. Let’s protect it together, even if it means that we will not get to see all of it with our own eyes. ❤

Honestly, I was a bit overwhelmed: So much feedback on my last post (which I wrote some… well some months ago…)! I did not even know that this many people read my blog, haha! However, it was a nice surprise and I feel honoured, of course. Obviously, it struck a chord and with every interesting discussion I had on the topic afterwards, I felt like maybe, I have achieved a little something. At least I got people to think.

After a short trip to the kiwi-land in January (see above) I started working as an attorney-at-law at a law firm in Bern in March. I do a bit of this and a bit of that, mostly company law, contracts, labour and tenancy law, aaand sports law. I work with seven other attorneys-at-law. All of them - men. Of course, there are women as well. Seven badass-women, but they are secretaries and interns. Well, someone has to go first, and I have no problem working with men. The only major problem I do have atm is that I do not have any woman I can copy when it comes to outfits. I mean I could do Rachel aka Meghan Markle, but that style is NOT biking-to-work-compatible, believe me, I already struggle with the few dresses I do have. But yah, where was I?

Role models.

Well, I guess that is part of the problem reinforcing stereotypes and impeding progress towards gender inequality. I mean, who are you supposed to look up to as a girl? Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with boys looking up to men, and girls looking up to women. But that stuff sticks with you from an early age. And if TV or books tell girls that being nice and pretty and a princess is the shit, that, well… At least that does not help to change anything.

A lot of the inequality is invisible, it happens behind closed doors. I have had the chance to attend several (networking-)events since I started working. I knew it was bad, but I was still amazed about how bad it really was. At each and every single one, at least 70% of the people or more were male, and I counted. The worst field so far was arbitration (which I got into a bit more as I am working on cases before the Court of Arbitration of Sports in Lausanne). Soooo many (white) men. And guess what, these are the people that can change stuff. But how many do have “women empowerment” on their agenda? And how many do actually see the struggle? Sorry, but a lot of them just don’t. Like that speaker at a congress I was at lately, bragging about his company hiring male secretaries and then, only a few minutes later stating that: “While a woman might notices a lot of details on a dress another woman is wearing at a ball, me, of course, I do not see stuff like that, because I am more focused on content.”. I mean, what. The. F#ck? So, more women = more role models = even more women, it’s simple, but it’s only one way. I could go on and on and on, but enough from the politics corner for now 😉.

How am I doing otherwise? I am doing ok. Work is super fun, but it is also a daily challenge. Sometimes I hate myself for putting me in this position voluntarily. With responsibility and leaving the comfort zone comes vulnerability. I struggle. I doubt myself. I feel like I am not enough. But “that’s the way it is”, they say. And if I think about it again, it’s not even that different from sports. Sometimes you do well, sometimes you fail, the world keeps spinning around and, in the end, we are all just human. I just have to become better at letting go and accept my imperfections. And if everything becomes too much to handle, I’ll just go for a run. Or go dancing Salsa. Or go skateboarding. Or do some yoga. Or write another blog post, that always helps me sorting out stuff.

/B.

PS. Maybe you realized that I have changed the blog’s domain. My blog did not get hacked, I just thought that, as I was entering the working world, it might be a good idea so people wouldn’t find me too easily anymore. Now they get some very valuable information about wood-working instead. I mean, win-win 😅.

I guess I'll just skip the usual introductory sentence "it's been a while" and get right to it. I've been a bit busy lately as I've been preparing the first part of my bar exams. And I should actually be studying now as the oral exams are approaching and I have no idea about tax law. But first of all I don't know whether I even get to do them (meaning whether I passed part one) and second of all... I'm just not that into tax law. So why not blogging.

The bar exam has taken a lot of time and focus this year. Other than that, some things have changed, others haven't. I moved in with my boyfriend. My sister and best friend moved to Norway. I'm now coaching the regional orienteering youth squad. I changed club and I'm running for my "old" club OK Tisaren again. Except I didn't run one race for them. Because from the sporty side, this year is one to just strike off the list. 3 orienteering races this year (of which two completed by power-walking), not one long-run in the mountains and after a while not even cycling or hiking. Never have I been less trained. In combination with hours spent just studying it has been a little tough sometimes. But luckily, I have a lot of support and people around who are very patient and try to help. And it could always be worse, right. Also, I've just started with shock-wave therapy so we'll see whether that helps... Instead, I've been working on my salsa-career and found another passion and a version of movement that both works for my knee and really makes me very very happy. As if I didn't have like seventy different hobbies already and absolutely needed another one.

What definitely changed was my idea of the future as a working person. When I was a little girl, I never thought that it was a disadvantage to be female. Except sometimes when the boys wouldn't let me play soccer with them. Side note: They let me join if it was hockey, the consistency in kids' behavior remains a mystery to me... I've always had the impression that, if you just played by the exact same rules men did, you'd be ending up in the same place. That I had all possibilities in the world, no matter if I was a boy or a girl. Because that's what everyone is telling you. Another side note: That one big reason for this is based on the fact that I have the privilege to be born in a developed European country, that I am white and hetero, was of course never under consideration. However: WRONG.

I've been studying with these three other girls. Three smart, ambitious girls with strong opinions and big dreams that I appreciate a lot and that I admire. As we'll soon be done with our studies, all of us have started looking into jobs. We've been thinking more about our careers and how to plan them. We've talked to other girls about it. And we realized: It's a fucking mess, and I am pretty shocked about how no one ever talks about it.

At high school I did some research on gender-equality in sports and I read a lot about the drop-out phenomenon as for girls in sports. And I realize now, that it's the exact same thing with job careers. And I can relate. I am ready to work hard in order to get somewhere, because I want to be successful. But I probably also do want to have a family (well, of course you never know if it's even possible), preferably not only at the age of 40. So do a lot of men. So far, so good. But now here's the thing.

How often do men think about the dilemma of having a family and pursuit their career at the same time before even having kids? Until now, I've never had these thoughts. But lately, as things got more specific, I realized that it's almost impossible not to think about it if you're a woman. Apply for a job in the private sector, where creativity and innovation happen, where part-time jobs are harder to find? Go for a job in the administration that gives good money, where it's "safe" to be a woman, but where possibilities for further development might be more restricted? Of course there's not just black and white, but there are clear tendencies. Especially if your education (lawyers, doctors,...) takes a long time, these questions become relevant. You seem to run out of time, because as experience has shown, women should force their careers and establish themselves before having kids. Otherwise it's going to be a bumpy ride.

And then again, I ask myself: Why the hell do I even have to think about this? I have invested so many years in my studies. What for, you ask yourself, if society tells you there's just the "either or" anyway?

It's just not fair. Women should not be the only ones forced to choose.
So, what to do about it? Of course, we should talk about paternity leave for fathers, payment equality and stuff. But first of all, girls, we should be brave ourselves and we should not just choose the easy road, even if it can appear tempting. We should break patterns by doing the opposite of what society expects us to. We should be role models for next generations. We should take risks and not give in. Show them that we can. And: We should work together.

At least that's what I'm trying to tell myself. As for the last thing, I'd love to hear what other girls/women have experienced, how they cope. We should definitely share our know-how more.

Now I'll go finish my apple pie and clean the windows.