Might Delete Later

I have literally tried to write a blog post for more than a year now. There are about five or six drafts on my computer that I never published and many more texts that I discarded before they even got saved as drafts. Because I had told myself that they were "not important", "boring" or "too personal".

I started this blog in summer 2007 when I was sixteen years old and moved to Sweden for an exchange year. Remember that was back in the pre-Facebook, pre-Instagram and pretty much pre-anything era, phone calls abroad were expensive and the idea was to let my family and friends follow along my adventures for a bit. Side note: It really is hilarious to go back to these posts and get a glimpse of what person I was at the time. Most of it is in German though, but there are some really nice pictures as well - noot.

Later on, the blog was mostly about orienteering and things related to it. About a year ago, I even changed the domain of the site, as I was concerned that what I write here might affect my professional life. So if you go to the original address (or whatever the IT people call it) of this blog, you'll now get valuable information about the woodworker's ideal tool (yup, the table saw, of course!) instead.

Reading my own posts from a few years ago I realize that, when I was younger, I simply explained what I saw and experienced. I said what I thought. I was honest and open. At the same time, I wrote with no expectations.

And now?

As a kid/teenager I thought that growing up meant being more confident about things, in life. Because I always considered that the equation was supposed to be knowledge = confidence & control. I am beginning to understand that it is actually (potentially) the exact opposite. The more you know, the more experience you have gained, the more complicated and complex it gets. Potentially. If you let anyone, including yourself, doubt you.

That's what happened to me regarding this blog. Suddenly, before I even started to write, each and every time, I kept asking myself questions.

What do I even have to say, what does it matter what I think, who cares?

And, even more important: What if I make myself vulnerable in some way?

Truth is: All the above-mentioned questions are based on assumptions. All grown-ups know that assumptions are bullshit. Or don't we?

Also: I actually have a hell of a lot to say. Can't tell whether it really matters or if someone cares. Yet, in times where literally anyone can put his/her word out there, why should I keep my mouth shut!? And yes, that's just a part of who I am and I have come to the conclusion that limiting myself because of what others might think just makes me very very unhappy.

Another truth is: I still love writing and I've missed it. If you want to write things down, you first need to get your thoughts sorted. To me, that feels kind of meditative. As opposed to scrolling through social media accounts of people I have never met (and will most probably never ever meet)...

So, yup, talk to you soon!

/B

PS. Apart from all that, as you can see, I am currently very much enjoying my daily autumn walks (see pictures). It's crazy what one daily walk in the forest can do, I feel so much more caaaaalm!

PPS. I am very aware that blogging may be considered outdated, however, I don't think that I can quite express the same in a Tiktok video. Until someone proves me wrong, of course.