New Beginnings

First of all: Welcome to this new blog, I hope you are going to like it as much as I do! I've wanted to do this for quite some time, but... Officially crossing the 30ies mark in December seemed like a good occasion to stop with the "buts". Time for some change and new beginnings! And yes, it's a lot easier to get shit done if someone (read: your personal hot IT-dude aka boyfriend) actually has set up a new fancy web-page for you already. 🥰

2020 was different for all of us for sure, and for me it was actually kind of a turning point. This past year has taught me to look forward rather than looking back. However, not in the sense as to rush from one thing to the next, something I definitely tend to do in order to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and situations, but to

a) be more present in the moment, to take it all in, and

b) move on as soon as something is properly processed.

It is so easy to get caught up in the hustle of every-day life, and to just run away from problems without ever really addressing them. So after an emergency stop, I finally got the chance to do a proper clean-up. It was ugly and it hurt, yet I needed it.

Oh and since you're asking: I didn't do it alone but with a therapist, which turned out to be one of the best decisions in my life so far. People should go see therapists more often. Period. Everyone is seeing a doctor after having been in a car crash. You might even go get help if you just slightly twisted your ankle. But you want to get better asap, right? Or maybe you are not visibly injured or sick, yet you feel that something is wrong - you'll go check, just to make sure. Our mental health is so important. Yet, many of us take so little care, and if they realize that something should be done, they think they can do a quick-fix themselves. I mean - I wouldn't want to plaster my broken leg myself, would you?!

Anyways, with a little help, the future with all its the seventy million different possibilities and options, and the simulateous constraint of having to choose one, suddenly did not feel scary anymore. I could start to focus on myself and what I want instead of seeing other people's choices and thinking that I would be happier if I just did the same thing as they did. To me, that's the trap many of us seem to get stuck in nowadays. You see so much of what other people do (important: without actually being asked if you want to see), all the "perfect" moments that they apparently experience and how happy they seem to be, that you forget that that this whole thing called life sometimes, in fact, rather resembles one big theater performance.

Sure thing, comparing yourself to others is stupid to begin with. Yet, if you are not capable to listen to yourself, to be honest, to allow emotions even if they are negative, that's what happens naturally. Most of us need at least some sort of compass - and if you don't have your own, you will end up following someone else's eventually...

Not being able to do tons of things all the time, not getting distracted and instead being able to hold a thought helped a lot. And, amongst others, it made me re-consider my own value conceptions.

Integrity and openness.

I decided that I wanted to stop doing things (and not doing things, for that matter) only because I thought someone else expected me to act in a certain way - I already touched upon that in my last post. And I wanted to stay open and try new things without being scared of failing. Cause every kid knows that you need to make mistakes in order to get better. It's just somehow been rooted in my Swiss people's brain that you have to be 110% sure it's going to work out before you even start trying.

But guess what? Life is so much more fun if you just try!

So I spoke up when I got the typical Swiss reaction after announcing my pregnancy at work (like: "Congrats, but that was not the plan!" - uhm, excuse me?! - but maybe more on that one some time later). I articulated what I wanted (and what not) and I set boundaries. If I felt that something wasn't for me, I let it go.

I started to have dreams again, and to visualize goals - like back in the days when I prepared for some competition. At the same time I tried to stay flexible and go with the flow. I mean, this year really forced us to change plans on a daily basis, so I could not have imagined any better way to practice. Sounds easy, but if you have been "following a plan" for the most part of your life, it can actually be quite challenging, haha! Anyways, I started to write poems and to do more crafty and creative stuff, like tinkering collages from magazines. I experimented a lot in the kitchen. I joined a political party and some feminist networks, one with a book project going on. Many firsts and new beginnings and quite often, I had (read: still have) no idea where those roads are taking me. The good thing is: It doesn't scare me anymore.

Embrace the uncertainty and enjoy the ride!

And with that said: You're welcome to hop on the train that's taking us to destination unknown and be my guest here. In case you couldn't care less about the stories of my life, you can still go check out other people's stories that will be published every now and then (soon to be found under "Everybody Has A Story").

I'll do my best in order to keep you entertained 🤗.